Something's Wrong

I am so happy to be in my class, although there are some who are naughty and noisy, and probably nosy classmates too. You see, when I first came in to the class, I was putting myself low, probably so low deep down into the earth's core and to the other side because I thought I was the only one who did not know how to draw because I was in Science class. Then the art teacher, well Mr Sylvester was very kind and a bit fussy, nonetheless he was a great art teacher. He taught me how to draw, brought me to his tuition classes and everything was okay.

But something's wrong started to happen. It was not the teacher, but my classmates. It started when Mr Syl wanted his students who were in his tuition classes to join him in an art exhibition. So I was involved.

I drew an arowana, guided by the teacher, while the others drew anything else on a cloth with a pen. I started to draw from the head and the teacher was satisfied with my work. However, it was really wrong to compare my work with other classmates. That was one thing I did not like about my art teacher. If he did not compare my work with my classmates, misunderstanding would not happen.

My first artpiece ever.

I think you guys know what happened next. Jealous. Yes of course jealous, why not? I was not supposed to be in that class but could overtake their supreme and attention? Or is it because I am a fast learner? Or I always being myself? Those questions keep pop up in my mind. I did not know what to do. But this jealousy was not too obvious initially.

It became obvious after the second art exhibition, which I was being the top story for being able to do art from an excellent science student. And I knew from that moment my life was changed, also my jealous classmates.

Initially there was 3 of them, sabotaging and bully me for no reason but I told my parents and my homeroom teacher. Especially after my art coursework presentation. With the teacher liked to compliment me about my presentation, I knew something was not right and was getting worse. Out of the blues the next day my father came to school and two of them had those big fat nose whom did not know where to put it. Then one of them called my name I did not know why, after a week did not want to see my face. Everything started to boil and I exited the class right after that.

Then everything about that was changed. Little I should have knew that one of them was a traitor, or a wolf disguise in a sheep's fur. It was really bad, awful and can be called as catastrophe. I was fooled. I never trusted anyone after that. Even if my own best friend.

Now there are 6 of them. Probably enjoying hating me, curse me and continue to stab my back. They even called me as 'riyak', an Arabic word which means like to show off good things. I felt good, because that is what I am. I taught people, talk to the people they hate, help people, liked to ask questions to the teacher, study hard and probably excel in my studies.

The third art exhibition was probably what the peak of the jealousy took off. I had drawn a portrait of one of the twin, Jedward. Everyone liked that portrait and probably caught the people's attention towards it because it was the only portrait in the art exhibition.

Lately, one of them texted me just to express feelings about what I am to them. And that person cursed me with any words the person could find and I was surprised and shocked and startled and my hands were shaking when I was looking at those harsh and dreadful texts. That person also wanted to drive me out of the class with intimidating tone from the text I read.

Well, don't ask me how I feel but ask yourself, are you being who you are or wanting to sabotage others because you can't have what you want and that's how your life ends but the truth is you still lives and still have a whole lot of future ahead of you. Come on, why do they have to focus hating me instead of focus on study?

Only God knows what circumstance I am currently in right now...

Just hope that this ridiculous childish conflict ceases as soon as possible.

A New Life Begins

Well, I am currently studying in Form 6, will be sitting for STPM first term in a few weeks. Surprisingly, I am not in Science stream any more, but in Art Stream. I know this may be sound crazy to just ignore whatever I achieved in my SPM although I was good at it, I had to make my own life decision. Due to my disappointment not to be able to study in foundation of science or matriculation college in government institution, I knew that I would be doomed if I stayed in Science class in Form 6.

That is why I chose Art Class to study Bahasa Melayu, Kesusasteraan Melayu (Malay Literature), and Visual Art instead of Mathematics T, Chemistry and Biology/Physics.

Let me tell you about what I had experienced through all the pain I suffered.

I was initially proud, well too much pride was not a good thing, of having myself in Science class. But everything started to change when my friends are changing streams to Economics, Business and so on. And it came to a peak, right after I was not qualified to be in matriculation college and any government universities, my best friend, my bestie, my own twin soul (probably) got to go to Foundation at UNIMAS.

Then my motivation started to shatter, I cried almost everyday but something else came up, polytechnic school. I went there for a week just for a reason I was rejected for being not able to proceed anywhere unless I go through Form 6. That school was really far like 200 miles away from home, probably more than that and I was so lonely. Money and time wasted like it costs about RM2000. Then I realised what I was doing was torturing myself and I knew I had to go back to Form 6 but different stream. And my father was almost broke that month. Sorry, dad.

Then another problem came up, I was told to stay in Science class and was not encouraged by the teachers to change to Art stream due to my SPM result excelled in Science subjects, for being a month late for applying changing streams and for missing a lot of syllabus. I mean, why on earth does changing stream needed the consent of the state government? And I almost thought that my future was about to be ruined. Even my parents were devastated of what fate I was facing and about to have. But thank God after the first time application got rejected, then I got in after the second application due to my current situation.

Now I am in Art Class. No one believed of what I had in SPM. And the beautiful thing is, no one near me should ever know what I had been through although I did not explain it in detail. But if I did that, you will never even want to know it in the first place.

The Reason Why I Went to Form 6

Here I am again, in Kubong Secondary School. I never thought I will continue to be a student in that school again. But this time, as a Pre-U student. Unfortunately, the town I am currently living does not have a college for Pre-U students. Unlike many other towns, they had their own college.
Actually, I was initially applying for a bunch of study institutes. Firstly, matriculation college. But I was told that I was not selected. So, cross out that one. Next, UPU. While waiting for it, I had to be a Form 6 student, which I initially disliked. When the UPU result came out, I was told that I did not get anything. Nothing at all! Out of 12 courses and universities, I got Z-E-R-O. Yeah. I'm so pathetic. That is why I don't get anything. Thank you.
However, I really cannot tell the reason why I was 'REJECTED' from these applications. The last place or refuge that I can go is Form 6. It is not all bad right? I can still pursue my dream, even if it might be a bit harder than the other applications that I wanted.
Well, self-sympathy will not make me go anywhere unless I had to prove that I can do it. To be honest, my parents are working for the government. I am not loaded like most of my Chinese friends and acquaintances. They also had the same fate as mine but they had the money to study in the private universities.
I'm feeling so down, actually. Born as mixed Chinese and Iban. But 95% of the community see me as Chinese which the fact is I am not fully Chinese. That is why I don't get rights in my own country. So readers, if you are not a Chinese, don't marry Chinese. Because your children will end up like me. Unless if you're a Chinese woman who marry other races then it is a different story.
I could not feel the justice in my country. So much for unity, LIES. Most of my friends of this one common type of race(you'll get me if you're a local), had worse SPM 2015 results than mine got to go good government colleges and government universities. Yeah, it is clearly that I am hoping on government which eventually turned down my hope. It feels like I am being thrown into Form 6. Many might or already look down on me because of having good SPM 2015 result had made me end up in Form 6 rather than colleges or universities.
People might say that I am making up this kind of situation but I only want to tell the truth. I don't want to stir up racial issues, or what they call it 'racist' or anything. But this is my issue. An issue to be told, not a propaganda, not a complaint, not a rebel or anything that might cause serious trouble. It just that, now I can see the world clearer and now I am living in the real world. I did not know about this when I was younger because they were not in the books or newspapers. So, I guess I'll live my life to the fullest. What they say, YOLO.

Gawai 2016 Celebration

It was really fortunate for me to celebrate this unique harvest festival with my Iban relatives as it is a symbolic for Sarawak celebration. In other words, I am glad that I am a part of this tradisional culture.

That's me during the first day of Gawai when all of the longhouse residents 'ngabang'(visiting) every room in the longhouse.

The longhouse that I was staying was called Rantau Dilang. And the 'tuai rumah'(chief) was Awan. So the longhouse is called Rumah Awan. Luckily, I can speak the dialac. Besides, it was my first time staying in the longhouse at the interior of Sarawak. The longhouse is located in Kanowit, Sibu division.

The longhouse was located near the majestic Rajang River, longest river in Malaysia. Some still continued to take bath from the river water as they got used to it.

I wished I had the photo of I was 'ngajat'(an Iban tradisional dance) at the night before Gawai. It was really embarassing because I don't even had the moves on 'ngajat'. Had fun though. And excuse me, I am sorry to say that I don't drink or smoke like these guys here. It really seemed like I was only there to make a documentary, which was partially true.

Every time we 'ngabang', the lady(standing) in this picture will recite the prayer in order to bless the food we were about to eat.

The food were all delicious. And I can tell that the food is 80% taken from their garden and farm. Like the 'pansuh' chicken or pork, smoked ducks or chicken or pork. No wonder their kitchens were always in use.

There were a few things I did during the stay,
1. Eating without spoons or forks
2. Eat more meat than vegetables
3. Plucked the chickens' feathers(first time)

There were a few things I learned there too,
1. The customs
2. The locations and the names of the parts of the longhouse
3. Freezing cold at night
4. Be generous
5. Learn to adapt to their culture(I only 50% adapted)

There were some problems too during the stay at the longhouse. It was water problem. The pressure was not strong enough. Well, that's one of the challenges I had to overcome.
In a nutshell, I was elated and tired during the stay. A little bit of excitement too, also a sprinkle of anxiety due to some valuables I brought with me. Happy Gawai Day to all the people who celebrate!

My SPM 2015 result

Before I go to school on 3 March 2016, I apologised my family so that I won't regret about my result later on that day. When I got there, the hall was already decorated and everyone was there.

However, the VIP was making a very long speech so I decided to check out my SPM result by using SMS. According to the SMS, I got 1A+ 4A 3A- 1B+. I wondered what was the subject I got B+ in SPM. So I waited patiently until...

It was my Biology. The subject I loved and cherished the most had led my SPM result to not straight A's. Ultimately, I was still grateful that my Bahasa Melayu was distinction. And I became one of the school's top SPM 2015 student, which not excluding as one of the top SPM 2015 student in my district. It was a day of tears and happiness when the result came out. Luckily, I got the opportunity to be in the school magazine.

Outdoor Sports

When the SPM 2015 exam was over, I had a whole lot of leisure. So I better spend them in a good way. I started to play tennis since I stopped playing them when I was 14. But the sport did not just stop here.

I also did not skip swimming, ever. But I only come to the pool casually. That is, when I feel like I want to go, I would go to the pool. Did you know that swimming helps a lot in reducing cholesterol? Especially in the waist and belly area. So it is best to keep exercising because it is a healthy thing to do! :)