I knew that my second semester examination is just around the corner but I already had too many stuffs happening around me. Some were complicated, some were difficult to be explained, and some were the agonies I had to endure.
The school I was still attending, it was torturing me mentally and emotionally. Just imagine that the school's front gate is about 100 metres from the card scanner. The old school rules were about who were late to school will be given a subtle punishment. But just 1 minute or less late to scan my student ID card? I mean, 100 metres from the school gate, a lot of twists and turns in the school compound? Who would have walked in less 5 minutes to the card scanner? Besides, I just knew about this thing(demerit) and the mistakes from the past was also included. I really wanted to say harsh, strong and offensive words but it was not my style. I still can think like a normal person. They just announced about the demerit system, so I came early to school. But mistakes from the past before the demerit system to be announced included, I feel angry at first, then I did not care. In my opinion, honestly I felt the school administration was quite full of dictators and aristocrats. They did not realise what they did had just made more people hate them and spoke badly about them in a harsh tone, with lots of foul words.
The second thing was my class. I could tell that 98% of my classmates were slacking and not studying at all. I was sure of it. They were like "Don't study too hard." And I was like, "What? Never seen a guy study before?" Gosh, the guys in my class were total prank monkey kings and harass master of the pests. Why can't they just stop even for a sec to pull the stupidest jokes and pranks on me? That's why sometimes I said sarcastic things to them and make them think twice before taking actions. Sometimes I did not even care what they did or said and sometimes I became mad at them. Was this a Pre-University student? Get ahead of yourself, man.
The third thing was who was I making friends with. Literally, I have friends but actually I felt no one was a friend at school. I felt unwelcome, looked down, distant and awfully lonely. I never felt happy since I had finished my secondary school. I don't know why. It's been 2 years I have not felt the slightest feeling of joy. My friends at school were not best friends. They just get jealous, want something out of me and I became the person who got to be the victim of all their jokes. I felt like getting bullied. Don't they know that I am a very serious person? Overreacting jokes were not acceptable. If it was subtle, it was still okay. I guess another lonely year for me. I felt more content when I'm lonely. It's better if I was born to be invisible. No one cares what happens to me at school. I was being strong all the time but the truth was I am a very weak person, although I did well in my studies.
The fourth thing was I was not being myself. It was so hard to pretend all the time but I had to do it. Pretend in front of my parents, in front of my friends and to the teachers. I pretend things like I finished all of my homework, being a superior smart guy, a multilingual tongue, accept offensive jokes, making friends... and the list goes on. To be honest, I need a friend who I can share things. I mean, a guy. Because currently I am friends with girls because they are not prank predators like guys in my school. And girls also liked to study, like me. The last time I had a friend like that was 2 years ago. I guess that was when my happiness also goes off whenever I was at school. I need a guy friend who studies and not an overloaded prank predator.
There were more things I still had in mind besides these things I mentioned above. I think I still can be strong and more independent. More challenge, more fun and more bad consequences but little good outcomes.
